


maybe you could devastate me

by fir8008



Series: give the bruises out like gifts [3]
Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Pining, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 01:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13089957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fir8008/pseuds/fir8008
Summary: because Insoo is seventeen and overly cynical and trying too hard to look cool when he sits on the back of Sangbin’s motorcycle coughing on the fumes of cigarettes he can’t smoke but nothing has felt more right than Kenta’s legs wrapped around his waist and the way they cling to each other but Kenta is twenty and doesn’t feel the same(a "come on skinny love" prequel)





	maybe you could devastate me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So I've been writing this on and off (mainly off really) since around July, and have referenced it as "kensoo side project 1" because this was the first of the skinny love spinoffs I started developing (and it took so long to finish). This became an enormous labor of love and I hope it doesn't get disjointed anywhere - a probable side effect of writing this sporadically for months. 
> 
> There's a big content/trigger warning for underage sex in this fic; it is consistent throughout. Where I live, the age of consent happens to be 17, and I did a fair bit of research before and during the writing of this fic on the age of consent in Korea, and to summarize my findings: it's complicated. There are a couple of laws with different ages that coexist (even though they kind of contradict one another?) and there are tons of conditions and exceptions and precedents based on previous court cases. On the books, the age of consent in Korea is 13, with exceptions regarding the age of your sexual partner (but there are exceptions based on previous rulings...) but the age of becoming an adult is 19 and that's generally understood as the age of consent instead of 13. Sorry for this huge block of legal text, but I really wanted to address this at the top. Additionally, this is a work of fiction and the real people from which these characters are based on are all adults. I hope this clarifies any concerns. 
> 
> With that, I do hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Title comes from Halsey's "Hurricane" but the true song that inspired this is Halsey's "Is There Somewhere" (and actually all of the Room 93 EP would be great listening for this fic because that was my writing playlist i'm sorry i'm just a really big halsey fan)

“We’re going to get caught they’re going to see right through us we’re going to get arrested what will I tell my parents…” 

Sangbin punches Hwanwoong in the shoulder hard enough to send him stumbling. “We’re only going to get caught if you make it obvious.” Sangbin is dark and intimidating wearing a suit that most definitely isn’t his, but he looks really good in it and Insoo would be into it - like really into it, like in Sangbin’s pants into it - if he weren’t pissed off at Sangbin. So though he’s not overly thrilled Sangbin’s here, Sangbin supposedly knows the bouncer and can get them into the club. Not that this club has any good reputation to speak of and is most well known for letting in minors anyway and then not checking IDs when selling alcohol to them.

And is, you know, hosting a drag night. 

It’s too humid for late September and Insoo is pulling at the collar of his shirt trying to cool off. He doesn’t see the point of dressing up to go to a place where his shoes are going to stick to the floor anyway, but Eunki had insisted. So Insoo, Hwanwoong, and Sangbin look like little penguins and Eunki, on the other hand, looks… well, special. 

Not that Insoo has a problem with Eunki wanting to dress up like a woman, but Eunki, in Insoo’s humble opinion, just makes an ugly woman for a decent looking guy. Eunki is already really tall, and in the clunky high heels they found at the Dongmyo Market earlier, he’s towering over the three of them. The shoes are not nice ones, on account of Eunki’s big unladylike feet and the dress is worse. Eunki is rail thin, which made finding a dress for him easier, but the dress they found hangs on his lanky frame all wrong. Insoo doesn’t even spend that much time looking at girls but he knows Eunki doesn’t look quite right, even in a cheap wig and okay looking makeup. 

They had a field day at the market, basking in the odd looks from the ahjummas at the clothing stalls. “We’re shopping for his girlfriend,” Insoo had told them, pointing at Hwanwoong and smiling conspiratorially. “She’s a little unfortunate.” The ahjummas had nodded with understanding and gave them little discounts here and there for their troubles. 

Hwanwoong had flapped himself into a temper tantrum demanding to know why he was the one who had to have the ugly girlfriend and was it because he was short. Insoo had cut him off there, “It’s because you’re the only one of us that likes girls, if someone has to take the fall for this shopping trip it’s going to be you.” Hwanwoong couldn’t really argue with that, but his temper kept simmering for the rest of the afternoon.

“We can’t all just borrow our dad’s suits and look right in them,” Hwanwoong seethes, rubbing his arm. “You might look right but the rest of us don’t.” 

“Just don’t make it obvious,” Insoo snaps. “Don’t shit yourself until we’re inside, okay?” He glares at Eunki. “And you should have stuffed your chest. You don’t look like a girl.” 

Eunki stomps on his foot and it hurts a lot more than it usually does because of the heel. Insoo hops on one foot cursing under his breath. Eunki sniffs, that Insoo will concede is a little dignified and womanly, and turns his back on him. It’s not Insoo’s fault that the dress has a low neckline and Eunki is very obviously flat. 

“You don’t know anything about fashion history,” Eunki sighs, fluffing his wig. “At one point it was very chic to be a flat chested woman.” 

“Just because your brother is a model that doesn’t mean you’re a fashion expert,” Insoo says. 

“Shut up,” Eunki snaps. They’re nearing the front of the queue. “Act normal.” 

Sangbin does indeed seem to know the bouncer, and chats with him for a bit before the four of them get waved into the club. It’s crowded and noisy, and hotter and stickier inside than outside unfortunately, but Insoo is just happy they got in without any problems. A hardass bouncer might be inclined to call the police if they caught four high school boys, one wearing a dress, trying to sneak into a nightclub. Insoo’s shoes are predictably sticking to the ground as he walks but it’s to be expected from the sheer number of drunk people inside the club spilling their drinks. 

Sangbin begins to push his way towards the bar as the rest of them find a table near the stage in the middle of the club. There are clusters of other guys in drag around the stage. At a glance, Eunki falls squarely in the middle of guys who look extremely unfortunate and guys who look like they put serious effort into this. The ones who look better than Eunki certainly don’t look like they bought their outfits from Dongmyo Market, to say the least. The ones who look worse might just be ugly looking guys, Insoo muses. 

Sangbin returns with a tray of shots and Insoo takes his without looking at him. Hwanwoong chokes on his shot and starts coughing. Eunki slaps Hwanwoong’s back as Hwanwoong wipes at his stinging eyes with the napkin he hacked half his drink back onto. Insoo snorts a laugh at Hwanwoong’s expense and goes back to people watching. He doesn’t miss Sangbin’s hand on Eunki’s knee under the table but Insoo isn’t jealous at all. Sangbin is a tool and if he wants to flirt with Eunki that’s fine. Insoo is not jealous, not at all. 

Especially not after Sangbin wanted to tell him, with his hand down Insoo’s pants no less, that Insoo “wasn’t really his type.” 

“Really?” Insoo had barked, tugging up his pants when they were done. “I’m not your fucking type?” 

“No, not really,” Sangbin had answered, wiping off his hands with some tissues. 

“Then why the fuck are we doing this?” 

Sangbin looked surprised. “Why are you so pissed off?” 

“What do you mean why? What do I look like to you? Some kind of easy lay?” 

“Do you want me to really answer that?” 

Insoo smacked him. 

“So you don’t want to do this anymore? What, you want to be my boyfriend or something?”

“Who wants to be your boyfriend?” Insoo spat, zipping up his pants and dusting himself off. “You’re a jackass.” 

“You don’t seem to mind me being a jackass when I’m fucking you,” Sangbin had said, throwing his dirty tissues away. “Aren’t you being overly sensitive?” 

Insoo was not being overly sensitive at all. He didn’t think it was much to ask for, that Sangbin at least not say to his face that he wasn’t really interested in Insoo for anything other than sex. Insoo kind of knew it, but that didn’t mean he wanted to hear it. It also wasn’t his fault that Sangbin was good looking in a devil may care way, and he looked even better straddling a motorcycle (and Insoo looked good straddling Sangbin). So it really wasn’t Insoo’s fault for getting defensive. He just wanted a hot guy to like him a little bit. That was all.

Sangbin gets them more shots and Insoo can tolerate him (and his hand that has migrated to snake around Eunki’s waist) if he’s paying, so Insoo takes his and Hwanwoong’s shots in rapid succession. 

“Hey,” Hwanwoong protests. 

“Oh please, you couldn’t even take your first one,” Insoo snaps. “One of us should be sober.” 

Hwanwoong grumbles but seems to agree as he doesn’t take any more of the shots.

“Are you paying for all this?” Insoo asks Sangbin. 

Sangbin jerks his chin towards the door. “My hyung is paying, he liked Eunki’s dress.” 

“Oh are you pimping him out now?” 

Sangbin rolls his eyes. “Are you going to stop having your little temper tantrum or are you still going?” 

Insoo ignores him. It’s not a temper tantrum, Insoo is not jealous, and Sangbin is just a tool.

The show starts soon after, Insoo doesn’t pay all that much attention until it’s Eunki’s turn, and even then Insoo has watched him practice this in his bedroom - because Insoo’s parents love Eunki like a better behaved son and think he’s a good influence on him and never poke into Insoo’s room without knocking and waiting - so it’s nothing new to him. Eunki moves surprisingly well in heels and he gets a decently enthusiastic response from the crowd.

It’s the guy who goes on after Eunki that really draws Insoo in. He’s smaller and thinner than Eunki, more convincingly feminine, wearing a white tennis skirt that’s provocatively short and Insoo can see up it whenever the guy approaches the edge of the stage. He’s wearing little black shorts underneath and all Insoo can really coherently think about is wanting to pull them down. He feels Hwanwoong elbow him in the side and Insoo figures he’s trying to tell him that he’s embarrassingly and obviously aroused in public but Insoo doesn’t care. He hope the guy onstage sees and knows what he’s doing to Insoo. 

After him, the guys who look like they do this for a living start, so Insoo gets up and pushes his way through the crowd trying to find that white tennis skirt. Insoo sees the guy at the bar, sitting on one of the stools with his legs crossed. 

Insoo sidles up to him in what he hopes is a suave manner and says, “hey,” directly in his ear. This feels weird, and Insoo wishes he didn’t feel so young and stupid, pretending to be older and pretending to know what he was doing. The guy swivels on the stool so they’re face to face. Up close, he looks even better, with a sweet face and small foxy eyes that burn into Insoo’s. 

His lips tilt up into a smile. “Hmm?” 

Insoo smiles a little bit. “I liked you up there. You’re very beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” he says, fluttering his eyes at Insoo. “You’re not too bad looking yourself.” 

Insoo can hear a bit of an accent, so he asks, “What’s your name?” 

The bartender slides him a drink which he accepts with a demure smile. “What’s yours?” 

“My name is Insoo,” Insoo answers. 

He takes a sip of his drink and looks at Insoo over the rim of the glass. He licks his lips, “I’m Kenta.” 

“Well, Kenta, I think you’re very beautiful,” Insoo rests a hand on Kenta’s bare knee. 

Kenta laughs. “You’re not even going to offer to buy me a drink first?” 

“You already have one, and I’m the type that’s very forward.” 

Kenta uncrosses his legs so his knee brushes against the tent in Insoo’s pants. “I can see that.” Kenta says a little breathlessly. He leans forward. “I like that type.” 

“Do you?” Insoo can’t think of any witty, sexy banter. Watching porn didn’t prepare him for this, the talking bit. Sangbin didn’t either, for full disclosure, with Sangbin it was probably even more wordless, just grabbing and meaningful looks before doing it wherever they had space. 

Kenta, luckily, sees no need for banter as he tips the rest of his drink down his throat and takes Insoo by the hand and pulls him along. Kenta could probably be classified as surprisingly strong if Insoo were not instead surprisingly weak. The sticky humid night air hits Insoo full in the face as Kenta tugs him outside and pushes him up against the brick wall of the club. Kenta’s just a hair taller than him, Insoo notices he isn’t wearing any heels, and Kenta leans down just slightly to crash their mouths together in a messy kiss. Insoo’s hands find Kenta’s waist and he holds on tightly, pulling Kenta closer. He bunches the skirt fabric in his hands, unsure of where he wants to put his hands. Kenta knows exactly where he wants to put his hands on Insoo, one hand immediately sliding between Insoo’s legs and palming at his erection. Insoo’s knees buckle. 

Kenta licks into his mouth eagerly as he begins to unbuckle Insoo’s belt and unzip his fly. Insoo’s breath hitches as Kenta pulls him out of his boxers and begins stroking him harder. Insoo breaks their kiss to gasp when Kenta squeezes him. Kenta smirks at him and drops to his knees to take Insoo into his mouth. It hurts a lot when Insoo knocks his head on the wall tossing his head back unconsciously, but it’s hard to do anything else when he feels himself in the back of Kenta’s throat and Kenta is looking up at him coquettishly through long dark eyelashes. He’s scraping his fingers on the roughness of the bricks as Kenta swallows hard around him as Insoo climaxes and tries to not drive his hips forward. 

Kenta’s hands are still on him, tugging him back to hardness as Insoo pulls Kenta back to his feet to kiss him messily. Kenta laughs between kisses and Insoo’s already addicted to the sound. He’s greedy, he wants more, and from the way Kenta is still touching him, the feeling is mutual. 

“I want…” Insoo feels so out of breath. “Can I…?” 

Kenta nods even though Insoo hasn’t articulated anything so Insoo pushes Kenta against the wall as gently as he can and lifts up his skirt slightly finding the waistband of those black shorts - which Insoo realizes are just tight briefs - and pulls them down slowly. Insoo kisses down the backs Kenta’s thighs before wetting his fingers in his mouth and pushing one inside of Kenta slowly, listening to Kenta moan. It’s fascinating, the way Kenta feels around his finger so he pushes in another one and Kenta rolls his hips back against his hand, moaning louder. The way his fingers look sliding into Kenta is too erotic, too enticing, and Insoo can’t help himself when he ducks his head up Kenta’s skirt and licks. 

Kenta moans loudly against the bricks and pushes his hips farther back, grinding down on Insoo’s fingers and tongue and Insoo thinks this wasn’t really how he thought this night would play out, eating a stranger’s ass in an alley behind a really seedy nightclub, but here he is, under a guy’s skirt doing just that. Kenta moans really loudly and Insoo wants to keep hearing it and hearing it until the sound of Kenta’s voice is all he can hear for days afterwards. 

Kenta eventually twists away from him and pulls Insoo to his feet, flushed and breathless (and beautiful, Insoo thinks). “I want it,” he says. 

Insoo starts to panic. “I don’t have a condom,” he says anxiously. 

Kenta has him in his hands again as he turns back around and puts his foot up on a pile of some rubbish and pushes his hips out. Insoo’s mouth is dry. “It’s okay, I’m okay, please, please,” Kenta is begging and blood is rushing around inside of Insoo. 

He pushes up Kenta’s skirt more as he spits into his hand. It’s not going to be the prettiest, but Insoo supposes this is the only way to make this work. He pushes in slowly, Kenta groans as he pushes his hips back onto Insoo and Insoo gasps, trying to figure out where to hold Kenta. He finally settles with one arm awkwardly slung around Kenta’s chest holding him up and the other jerking Kenta off. It’s not well coordinated, with Insoo inexpertly snapping his hips into Kenta, drinking in the sound of Kenta’s moans and getting intoxicated by the feeling of Kenta shaking in his arms and canting his hips back onto Insoo. Insoo gasps at the way Kenta squeezes him and pants against the bricks. He understands why Sangbin likes him like this too, he feels powerful like this, and rocks his hips harder into Kenta and gasps as Kenta tightens around him and reaches his climax. Insoo follows soon after, gasping hard against Kenta’s neck as he does. 

“You’re amazing,” Insoo whispers against Kenta’s neck, kissing the skin between the curly ends of his hair and the collar of his shirt. “You’re amazing.” 

Kenta laughs, high and breathless as he untangles himself from Insoo. 

“Oh, oh, you’re all messy,” Insoo flushes. “I’m sorry. I ruined your skirt.” 

Kenta laughs gently. “It’s okay, I have other clothes with me.” 

“Do you want me to help you clean up?” Insoo asks. 

“You’re odd,” Kenta is smiling slyly at him as he pulls up his underwear. “Usually after they’re done guys will just leave.” 

Insoo blushes. “I didn’t have a condom so I made a mess of you…” 

Kenta pats his cheek affectionately. “It’s okay. Sometimes it’s good to do it like this.” 

Insoo helps Kenta back into the club where he waves down the bartender who hands him a bag from under the bar and then follows Kenta into the bathroom. While Insoo is busy wetting tissues, Kenta is busy shimmying out of his clothes and Insoo finds himself flushed and hard again when he comes back to tidy Kenta up. Kenta just laughs at him. It’s a little humiliating, considering it’s Kenta who’s half naked in a dirty nightclub toilet stall. 

“You sure get excited quickly, don’t you?” 

“Guess so,” Insoo murmurs, handing Kenta a tissue. Insoo watches Kenta get dressed and doesn’t make it out of the stall without being back in Kenta’s mouth and groaning softly against his hand. 

“Can I give you my number?” Insoo asks breathlessly as Kenta zips him back up. “Would you call me?” 

Kenta hums softly. “Maybe,” he says with a smile. So Insoo writes his number on a bar napkin which Kenta stuffs in his jeans pocket and kisses Insoo quickly before patting his butt again and making his way back to the bar. Insoo walks out of the club unsteadily to see Hwanwoong flapping himself into another frenzy. 

“Where the hell have you been?” he demands. “We had no idea where you went!” 

“I’m here, I’m here,” Insoo sighs. “Where’s Eunki and Sangbin hyung?” 

Hwanwoong gestures behind him angrily and Insoo rolls his eyes. Sangbin has an arm around Eunki’s waist and the front of Eunki’s dress has been pushed down to the point where, on a woman, cleavage would be out. Eunki is not only lacking in cleavage, but is also wigless and shoeless, swaying on his feet and giggling as Sangbin covers his chest in dark hickeys. 

Insoo sighs as he pulls Eunki out of Sangbin’s grasp. “How much did he drink?” he snaps. “He’s wasted.” 

Sangbin shrugs. “I was going to take him home.” 

“You will not,” Insoo glares at Sangbin. “He’s going home with me and he’s going to sleep off his hangover at my place.”

“Why is it always you?” 

“Because I am going to walk through my front door with a drunk man in a dress and no one in my house is going to say a damn word and you know that.” 

Sangbin shrugs his shoulders. “Suit yourself.” 

Insoo lets Sangbin carry Eunki down the street, since Insoo sure isn’t going to carry him, Eunki is ten centimeters taller than him, and turns to Hwanwoong. “What are you looking at?” 

“You’ve got stuff on your pants,” Hwanwoong says distastefully. 

Insoo looks down. So he does. “You’re just jealous.” He says as he licks his thumb and tries to wipe off some of the stains.

“Not remotely,” Hwanwoong scowls as Eunki dissolves into a fit of high pitched giggles on Sangbin’s back. 

 

Waking up Eunki on a good day isn’t easy, so waking him when hungover is worse. Insoo settles for taking a ruler and poking Eunki in the side until Eunki rolls over and glares at Insoo with sandy, bleary eyes. “What the fuck?” he grunts. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” Insoo says. “Have a good night?” 

Eunki pulls the blanket back over his head. “Fuck off.” 

“I’m impressed you didn’t throw up in the middle of the night,” Insoo says throwing his curtain open. Eunki screams as sunlight fills the room. “You were wasted last night.” 

“What about you?” Eunki snaps as he slowly sits up. “You were drinking for two people.” 

“You didn’t notice me get up and leave?” 

Eunki’s ears are red. “I was… preoccupied.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

Eunki stares. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Insoo nods. “It was good. I gave him my number.” 

Eunki rolls his eyes. “You know that guy was probably a lot older than us.” 

Insoo thinks of Kenta’s face. “Maybe not that much older.” 

“Still.” 

“It’s because I look older too, just say it,” Insoo says with a sigh. 

“If your parents didn’t let you get away with dyeing your hair and piercing everything you’d look like the stupid high schooler you are,” Eunki says evenly. “Even Sangbin hyung respects the dress code.” 

“Sangbin hyung walks a fine line. He wants to graduate so he’s being good.”

“Is that why I saw you two in the hallway holding your bags above your heads last week?” 

“That was for getting caught jerking each other off in the sporting supply closet.” 

Eunki recoils. “You two are gross.” 

“You are gross. You still smell like a bar.” Insoo throws a towel at Eunki. “Take a shower.”

“Your parents?” 

“They’re both at work.” Insoo answers. 

Eunki stumbles out of his room and pads towards the bathroom. Insoo folds up his blankets and then he hears Eunki shriek from the bathroom. “What the hell is this?” Eunki is pointing at the hickeys on his chest. 

Insoo snorts. “Ask Sangbin hyung.” 

 

The next few days are a wash for Insoo as he jumps every time his phone buzzes, hoping it’s Kenta but it never is. It’s usually Eunki asking him to do homework together or idle threats from Hwanwoong about how if Insoo borrows his textbooks without asking again he’ll rip him a new one or schedule updates from Inho or Taedong about when their dance team should meet. Everything around him feels ordinary, and it makes Insoo feel tired and listless. 

“I’m going to pierce my nose,” he says. 

“Why?” 

“I’m bored.” 

Eunki rolls his eyes. “Only you would go get another piercing because you’re bored.” 

“I’m also trying to see what my mom’s limit is. She didn’t say anything about my hair so I wonder if this’ll do it.” 

“Lee Insoo are you saying you’re secretly craving boundaries?” 

Insoo rolls his eyes. “Hong Eunki didn’t you listen to that bullshit presentation they gave us about juvenile delinquency? All delinquents like me are just lacking a good role model and a sense of restraint.” 

 

Sangbin’s hand is warm and heavy on his thigh as it slowly slides up towards Insoo’s crotch. Insoo shakes off Sangbin’s hand and crosses his legs. “Get off.” 

“You’re still pissed?” 

“Yes.” 

Sangbin smirks beside him. “That won’t last forever.” 

“It will. Anyway, you seem very interested in Hong Eunki.” 

“Eunki’s a pretty boy. I like it when they’re very pretty.” 

“And I’m not pretty? That’s why I’m not your type?” 

“No, you’re just crazy.” Sangbin looks at Insoo. “Crazy is fine too. You’re good in bed.” 

Insoo inches away. “I hate you. Your face is ugly.” He doesn’t necessarily mean it, Sangbin’s face is nice enough, Insoo just isn’t inclined to like it right now.

“Good thing you don’t look at it too much when we’re in the sack then.” 

Insoo inches even farther away. “Why don’t you go flirt with pretty Hong Eunki? You’re wasting your time trying to have sex with me now.” Insoo’s phone buzzes. When he checks it, he smiles. It’s the message he’s been waiting for. “You’re really, really wasting your time now.” 

“Oh? You have some new flame?” Sangbin is still smirking.

Insoo stands and smirks back at Sangbin triumphantly. “That’s right.” 

 

Kenta lives in a tiny apartment among many others in a giant complex. Insoo triple checks the address Kenta texted him to make sure he doesn’t accidentally ring the wrong bell (and end up as someone else’s midday booty call). 

Luckily, when he finally finds the balls to ring a doorbell, Kenta is the one who answers. Insoo can feel blood rushing south the second he lays eyes on Kenta. If Insoo thought Kenta was beautiful in a skirt and through dim club lights and a haze of alcohol, Kenta’s breathtakingly gorgeous in daylight, in jeans, and without makeup. 

“Hey,” Kenta’s smile is lopsided and pretty and Insoo can’t wait to kiss him. “Come in.”

Kenta’s apartment is modest and clean. Kenta smiles as he says, “It’s been a little while since I had a day with no work and no school. I wanted to text sooner.” He smiles wider. “But I thought it might be fun to make you wait a little bit.” 

It’s the middle of the week and Insoo is technically supposed to be in class, but he twisted Hwanwoong’s arm to tell everyone he was sick (“Why me? Make Eunki do it!” “You’re younger, anyway Eunki sucks at lying.”) so he could sneak out. Not that his parents cared much if he skipped school, but Insoo liked taking precautions. 

“I thought you didn’t want to see me,” Insoo tries to say it coolly, like he hadn’t been waiting by his phone like an ingenue in some stupid romantic movie, but it still comes out slightly desperate and Kenta laughs. 

“I wanted to,” Kenta says easily. His voice is like silk. He rests his hands on Insoo’s biceps. “Mm, you seem to know why I called you too.” His eyes flicker downwards. “Just that from looking at me?” 

“I told you,” Insoo mumbles. “I think you’re beautiful.” 

Kenta’s is taller than him by just a breath and he tilts his head down to catch Insoo in a kiss that he melts into, leaning into it, liking the way Kenta tastes when they haven’t both been drinking. 

Kenta’s hands find the hem of Insoo’s shirt and he pulls it up and off of Insoo before stripping off his own. Insoo marvels at how thin Kenta is, all pale skin and the faint traces of his ribs, as he runs his hands over Kenta’s chest. Kenta seems to be quite interested in Insoo’s chest as well and Insoo feels a swell of manly pride when Kenta stop to run his hands over the muscles Insoo cultivated from dancing. 

Insoo’s pants go next as Kenta quickly unbuttons Insoo’s jeans and starts sliding them off. Insoo’s been hard and it feels a little embarrassing to be so obviously aroused in front of Kenta who always looked to be calm and cool in front of him. Insoo steps out of his jeans and kicks them to the side and as he bends to pull off his socks, Kenta is sliding out of his own pants, revealing long thin legs. He has some bruises around his shins and Insoo looks at them curiously. 

“Oh I work as a busboy,” Kenta laughs. “Sometimes we run into each other.” He walks back over to Insoo and places his hands on his waist. “Aren’t you strong looking,” he remarks, running a finger over Insoo’s hip. “What about you? What do you do?” 

Insoo tries to think fast. “ I, uh, dance?” 

Kenta laughs. “Ah, an entertainer type. I should’ve known. You have a strong waist.” He runs his hands down Insoo’s torso. “Maybe you should dance for me.”

“Maybe I will if you ask me nicely,” Insoo says. 

Kenta hooks his fingers under the waistband of Insoo’s underwear and pulls them down teasingly slowly. “I think I’ll ask you very nicely,” Kenta all but purrs. “But later, I want you in my bed first.” 

Kenta’s bed squeaks with the slightest movement, Insoo can feel loose springs in the mattress, and from the way he got shoved down onto it, Insoo also knows that with enough force the bed frame knocks against the wall. Insoo mentally apologizes to Kenta’s next door neighbor. If the poor bastard’s home, he’s in for a noisy few hours. 

Kenta hovers over him, leaning down and kissing Insoo until he’s breathless and then pulling away with a smirk. Insoo sits up to try to get another kiss but Kenta pushes him back down as he rolls his hips back onto Insoo, who gasps. 

“You’re so eager,” Kenta comments as he slides off his own underwear. 

“I was thinking about you,” Insoo decides it’s fine to admit that as Kenta pulls a bottle of lube and several condoms out of a corner of the bed frame. 

Kenta looks at him and tosses him the bottle. “You can use this instead of your spit this time.” His eyes are sparkling and teasing.

Insoo flushes as he pops the cap. “You didn’t seem to mind.” 

“I told you,” Kenta says, “sometimes it’s good to do it like that. But it’s more comfortable like this, in a bed.” 

Insoo can’t disagree with that, since his most recent sexual encounters have been against the wall outside the club and before that in his and Sangbin’s usual spot in the sporting supply closet. So a bed is nice, even if he can hear the bedsprings squealing as he slides his fingers into Kenta and starts stretching him open as Kenta bounces down on his hand. 

It’s amazing to watch Kenta above him, eyes closed and his mouth open, moaning Insoo’s name out so sweetly as he rides Insoo’s fingers. Insoo thinks he wants this view forever as Kenta slides off his fingers, his face and neck all flushed, and reaches to roll a condom onto Insoo before sliding back onto him. Insoo’s hands jump to Kenta’s waist, holding onto him tightly as Kenta pushes down onto him. Insoo doesn’t last long but Kenta doesn’t seem to mind as he moves to lay down on his bed as Insoo goes to throw away the condom and put on a new one, since Kenta is already snickering at how quickly Insoo is coming back to full hardness. Insoo would say it’s because he’s young, but like Eunki pointed out, Kenta’s potentially much older than he is, so he doesn’t. 

Coming once gets out most of Insoo’s nerves so he feels less anxious when Kenta pulls him down on top of him and into another heated kiss as Insoo pushes into him. Kenta digs his nails into Insoo’s back and Insoo wonders if he’s going to leave marks like that (and thinks he better wear a gym shirt under his uniform shirt so he doesn’t have to change in the locker room tomorrow). 

Kenta wraps his legs around Insoo’s waist and rakes his nails down Insoo’s back and Insoo snaps his hips into Kenta harder and faster so the bed frame hits the wall and Kenta screams out his name and orgasms between them. Insoo finishes for a second time and falls on top of Kenta trying to catch his breath with Kenta’s legs still wrapped around him and Kenta is the only thing that makes sense to Insoo. Maybe it’s just because Insoo is seventeen and overly cynical and trying too hard to look cool when he sits on the back of Sangbin’s motorcycle coughing on the fumes of cigarettes he can’t smoke but nothing has felt more right than Kenta’s legs wrapped around his waist and the way they cling to each other in their afterglow. And Kenta is running his fingers through Insoo’s sweaty hair and giving him that sweet lopsided smile and Insoo is putty in his hands. 

Kenta lets Insoo catch his breath before rolling Insoo onto his back and sitting between his legs, running his hands over Insoo’s thighs before one hand dips lower. “Can I?” Kenta asks. 

Insoo nods. “Yes, yes.” 

Kenta finds the lube and slides two fingers into Insoo carefully. Insoo moans softly as he pushes his legs farther apart. Kenta is watching his face with an interested expression. “Is this okay?” he asks. “Do you like this? 

“Yeah,” Insoo replies as Kenta pushes in another finger and begins to stretch him. “I really like this.” Insoo does. He’s usually on the bottom. On his knees or on all fours with Sangbin above or behind him. 

Kenta hums quietly as he pulls his fingers away and rolls on a condom and pushes into Insoo. Insoo hisses and lifts his hips as Kenta grabs onto the backs of his thighs. “Is it okay?” he asks. 

“Yes,” Insoo bucks his hips into Kenta’s. “Yes.” 

Kenta picks up a steady rhythm and Insoo groans with every thrust, clutching at Kenta’s sheets and trying to push himself down harder onto Kenta. Kenta seems to enjoy going slowly and watching Insoo grow impatient as he holds Insoo down by his hips. 

“If you’re going to go at a turtle’s pace, can you at least pull my hair?” Insoo hisses. 

“Pull it?” Kenta questions, one hand winding into Insoo’s hair and pulling sharply. Insoo yelps. “Like this?” 

“Yes,” Insoo whimpers. “Like that please.” 

Kenta hums with interest but does keep his hand tight in Insoo’s hair, tugging on it tightly whenever he slowly thrusts into Insoo and Insoo is quickly losing it. Kenta seems to notice as he picks up the pace and suddenly Insoo is gasping at how hard Kenta is thrusting into him now and how the bed frame is hitting the wall again and Kenta’s fingers in his hair pulling so hard he’s pulling Insoo’s head back and it overwhelms him until Kenta suddenly pulls away and out of him. Insoo cries out loudly and gapes up at Kenta who is smirking down at him. 

“What the hell?” Insoo gasps out. 

“You’re pretty like this,” Kenta remarks, stroking one of Insoo’s thighs. “You’re so pretty when you’re begging.” 

“That’s all well and good,” Insoo whimpers, “but why did you stop?” 

“Oh, I think you need to ask me nicely if you can finish,” Kenta says. “You always finish so fast, but I want to keep playing with you.” 

“Please let me,” Insoo whines, “you know I get hard fast.” 

“Oh?” Kenta trails a finger down Insoo’s stomach. “But I think you can ask me more nicely than that.” 

“Please, Kenta, please,” Insoo lifts his hips trying to chase after Kenta. 

Kenta lets him suffer for a few more moments and hears a few more of Insoo’s breathless pleas before finally pushing back into Insoo hard and fast and finally letting Insoo reach his orgasm. Kenta coos at him gently, caressing Insoo’s hips. 

“You made a mess,” he says sweetly. “I want to make a mess of you too.” 

“It would only be fair,” Insoo says breathlessly. “Since I did it to you. I just… need a couple minutes.” 

“So you do have a limit,” Kenta laughs. “I thought you’d bounce back quickly.”

Insoo can’t think of any sparkling witty response so he just tries to catch his breath. It’s easy to focus on the circles Kenta is rubbing into his hips with his thumbs, slow and deliberate, and Insoo breathes deeply, letting his body relax into Kenta’s touch. 

“Can I ask you something?” Insoo asks. 

“Sure,” Kenta smiles at him. “What is it?” 

“This isn’t just sex for you, right?” Insoo looks at the ceiling. The paint is chipped. “Could it be more than that? Do you want more than that? With me?” 

“Look at me.” 

Insoo looks. Kenta’s eyes are soft. “I’m a student. And I’m just here for a term,” he says. “I’ll be going back to Japan in a couple months. Are you sure you want to get more involved?” 

Insoo blinks. “Yes,” he says. “I think I like you a lot.” 

“I knew you were a strange one,” Kenta laughs. It sounds rather fond. “That’s fine, I like strange.” Kenta reaches for more lube and then slides one hand between Insoo’s legs again and pushes two of his fingers inside of him. Insoo’s breath hitches as Kenta begins to scissor his fingers. “I’m curious,” Kenta muses. “I wonder if I can make you come just like this.” 

Insoo is already writhing against Kenta’s fingers. “I don’t know but I want you to find out,” he groans. 

Kenta smiles at him slyly as he crooks his fingers and makes Insoo cry out and jerk his hips upward. Insoo lifts his arms to hold onto Kenta’s headboard and Kenta slides his fingers in and out painfully slow and Insoo is a shaking mess by the time he feels Kenta sliding in another finger, stretching him even more.

“Fuck,” Insoo moans. “Oh fuck.” 

“You have such a dirty mouth,” Kenta chides. 

“I’m a big boy, I can curse if I want to,” Insoo huffs. 

“Yes you are,” Kenta is smirking at him. “I guess you can take more of me then.” 

Kenta pushes in his fourth finger and Insoo chokes on his own scream, back bowing off of Kenta’s mattress. Kenta rests a hand on Insoo’s thigh. “Is it okay? Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” Insoo says through clenched teeth. “Yes.” 

“Are you sure?” Kenta rubs his hand on Insoo’s thigh. “You’re not in pain?” 

“I like it,” Insoo croaks. “I like it this rough.” 

“I can see that,” Kenta says as he tries to spread his fingers and Insoo tries to muffle his scream in the side of his arm. “I like you like this. You’re lovely.” 

Insoo doesn’t necessarily feel that way, but he lets Kenta croon at him as he slowly moves his fingers around and Insoo sees fireworks going off behind his eyes. Kenta’s thumb brushes against him and Insoo comes, almost blacking out from it, screaming and arching before collapsing, feeling like a puddle of mush. He whimpers when he feels Kenta pull his fingers out of him and Kenta leans down to peck Insoo on his sweaty forehead. 

“You’re wonderful,” Kenta purrs at him. “You’re such a good boy.” 

“Kiss me,” Insoo whimpers and Kenta kisses him sweetly, brushing his clean hand through Insoo’s hair. 

Kenta gets up to go wash his hands and Insoo lays in the bed trying to catch his breath and finds himself dozing off by the time he feels the bed dip with Kenta’s weight as he curls up beside Insoo. 

 

The rest of Insoo’s week is rose tinted, even with Hwanwoong glaring at him moodily over lunch complaining that Insoo’s face keeps ruining appetite. Insoo is in such a great mood he doesn’t even have anything particularly snippy to say back to Hwanwoong. Eunki is surprised by that and Insoo should be annoyed that his being in a good mood puts everyone off, but he isn’t. Instead, he feels a little bit like a female drama lead, being this stupidly giddy, but he can’t help it. Everything about Kenta feels so right, and Insoo has never had such a sunny outlook on his life. Anyway, Hwanwoong and Eunki are clearly just jealous that Insoo is getting laid and they’re not, and also jealous that Insoo is probably a little bit in love and they’re not. 

Kenta could’ve been a cold and distant lover, waiting impatiently for Insoo to leave after waking up, but he wasn’t. Instead, Kenta had pulled him into the bathroom and they had washed up together, kissing in the shower. Insoo thinks he probably fell in love between those kisses though he’s embarrassed to admit how fast his feelings bypassed pure physical attraction and moved on to a lot more. Kenta didn’t seem to mind, lingering in their goodbye kiss, running his fingers through Insoo’s hair and sucking gently on Insoo’s lower lip, promising to message Insoo soon. And they had been texting back and forth, Insoo daring to text under his desk in class so there weren’t lulls in the conversation. Eventually, Kenta would have to go to school or work, but Insoo would still think of Kenta without stopping, heart jumping every time Kenta texted he was back. 

“It can’t be healthy to get attached that fast,” Hwanwoong complains. “There’s probably a health report about that.” 

“Just because nobody likes you…” Insoo starts.

Eunki laughs. “Look, he’s back to normal.” 

 

Insoo begins to make a habit of skipping class whenever Kenta doesn’t have work or school so he can spend time with Kenta, usually in bed, because Insoo is too worried about where they might go and who might see him and what might blow his cover. Honestly, Insoo’s age was a secret he didn’t intend to keep, but it happened that way because Kenta was under the impression Insoo was at least his age. 

“What university do you go to?” Kenta had asked him. 

Insoo had scrambled for any answer. “Um. I’m on a gap year right now. Uh. Because I wasn’t so sure about university. Since I want to dance. I thought maybe I’d try auditions first.”

Kenta had nodded. “I understand. I guess it’s different when you’re in the arts. I want to do translations so I always knew I would be a student for a long time.” 

“You’ll be really good at translating,” Insoo had said, eager to get off the topic of his age. “You’re already good at Korean.” 

“Well,” Kenta grinned at him, smile lopsided and pretty. “Haven’t you heard that expression? If you want to learn a language you should get into bed with a native speaker.” 

Insoo had blushed and Kenta had laughed, saying how cute Insoo was when he got flustered like that. 

Insoo can’t quite remember why he ended up lying to Kenta explicitly and telling him he was nineteen, it just seemed like a safe age to pretend to be. Most things were legal at nineteen, and it wasn’t too far away from the truth anyway. Two years wasn’t much. 

Kenta didn’t ask him questions about it, and never seemed to mind when Insoo suggested they just stay in at Kenta’s apartment together. It was lucky, Insoo thinks, that Kenta was always out and about or going somewhere so staying at home was always an attractive option for him. Insoo pretended he had roommates who were home a lot, and threw out Eunki and Hwanwoong and Sangbin’s names to be more realistic, and said that he much prefered the privacy of Kenta’s apartment, even though the walls were thin and the few times Insoo had run into the neighbors while leaving he was treated to dirty looks. 

Though Insoo had no problem skipping school, he had a much harder time getting out of his dance academy’s meetings since Inho would lecture him whenever Insoo skipped so Insoo told Kenta truthfully that he had joined an academy. Kenta had gushed over the news, showering Insoo with praise and marveling over how talented Insoo must be (Insoo not mentioning that it was like any old dance academy and that the only reason it had been difficult to get in was because Inho was a very particular hyung). 

Insoo finds himself busier and less able to skip school (lest Taedong actually approach him outside of the academy at school to ask if Insoo was going to flunk out, which would make Eunki and Hwanwoong laugh but Insoo already does not appreciate it). So Insoo finds himself seeing less of Kenta, though Insoo supplements this by compulsively looking at (not stalking) Kenta’s social media pages (Insoo pretends he doesn’t have any, because he has posted way too many pictures at his high school and of himself in uniform) but this ends up setting Insoo on edge because Kenta has a lot of friends. Like, a lot. Kenta is an enormous social butterfly and he always seems to be on someone’s arm and with large groups of beautiful people and Insoo can’t help but wonder what’s special about him that keeps him and Kenta together, when Kenta clearly isn’t want for attention. 

It makes him anxious enough to ask Kenta to his academy’s dance show, even though most of his dance teammates are the high schoolers, and Taedong is his actual classmate, but Insoo is willing to take that risk (and continue pretending to be older). But Kenta had pouted at him softly. 

“I can’t,” he sighed. “I’m working that day.” Kenta’s lips had suddenly tilted upwards as he ran his hands over Insoo’s chest. “But maybe afterwards you can come over and give me a private show.” 

Insoo’s breath had hitched when Kenta’s fingernails had scraped over his nipples, “I can do that,” he said thickly, while Kenta had nudged a knee between his thighs and slowly pushed them apart.

“Good,” Kenta purred, “I’d like that.” 

Insoo supposes it’s bad that he, as the groups’ choreographer, is thinking more about what’s waiting for him after the performance than the actual performance and is completely unperturbed by the apparent wardrobe disaster everyone is having around him. 

“Why didn’t anyone label their jackets?” Inho is complaining. “We have seven identical suits, no one thought this would be a problem?” 

“Hyung,” Insoo sighs. “Look at the shoulders of that jacket, that’s obviously Taeyeon’s.” 

When they finally finish matching jackets to members, Inho fixes all of them with a steely look. “You better not ruin these suits, they’re rentals and if you wreck them I will kill you.” Insoo doesn’t know how Inho expects them to not wrinkle or get sweat on suits that they’re dancing in, but everyone nods and promises to be careful. Inho finally graces them all with a smile and tells them to enjoy the performance. 

Insoo thinks their performance goes well enough, the teaching staff at the academy look pleased, as does Inho, so Insoo doesn’t even bother changing out of his suit when they’re done, ducking out as soon as he can so he can get to Kenta faster. 

Kenta opens the door in a shirt that’s too big for him and skinny jeans and his jaw drops when he sees Insoo and Insoo has never had this effect on him, has never been the one taking Kenta’s breath away, and Kenta drags him inside and pushes him against the door and Kenta’s the one breathing heavily as he peels Insoo’s jacket off and runs his hands over Insoo’s bare arms. 

“You look so good in blue,” Kenta says, scraping his teeth on the side of Insoo’s neck. “Too good. You look too good in a suit.” Kenta palms between Insoo’s legs and his knees buckle. “It reminds me of the first time, you looked so good, I wanted you,” Kenta says against the base of Insoo’s throat. Kenta works open Insoo’s zipper and Insoo panics. 

“Wait, wait, wait, I can’t ruin this suit it’s not mine,” Insoo pants. 

Kenta’s eyes are so dark and full of fire. “That’s fine,” he says, popping open the button and sliding Insoo’s pants down his legs. “It’s much better if you’re naked.” 

Insoo finishes stripping off his clothes, leaving his suit in a rumpled heap at Kenta’s door while Kenta takes off his own clothes and they fall onto his bed (and it squeals from their weight) kissing each other until their mouths are red and swollen and they’re both out of breath. Kenta takes Insoo’s hand and slowly and deliberately puts Insoo’s fingers in his mouth, sucking slowly and running his tongue over them. Insoo’s head spins from the intensity of Kenta’s gaze as he slides Insoo’s fingers out of his mouth and pulls his hand down between his legs. 

Insoo pushes his fingers into Kenta slowly, still awed by the way Kenta looks when Insoo is working him open, how Kenta looks with his chest all red and flushed just from Insoo’s touch. Kenta is impatient and quickly moves on to ripping open a condom and rolling it onto Insoo so he can slowly lower himself onto Insoo’s length. Insoo gasps as he grips Kenta’s hips, as Kenta wastes no time before beginning his roll his hips down onto Insoo’s, and then lifts himself up and knocks the wind out of Insoo when he comes back down. 

Kenta rides him hard and Insoo is out of breath when he comes but Kenta seems especially insatiable as he kisses Insoo roughly and continues to rub himself on Insoo begging for more and more and more and Insoo wants to give Kenta everything until there’s nothing left for him to give. 

Kenta nuzzles the side of his face and peppers kisses all over Insoo’s sweaty neck, breathing out little bits of praise as they come down from their high. Insoo feels like jelly as he tries to catch his breath but can’t because Insoo is kissing him so insistently still. Insoo just knows he’s never been so in love with anyone. 

 

“Are you for real?” 

“Look, it’s not that bad.” 

Jonghyeok holds up Insoo’s incriminating suit jacket. It’s wrinkled as all hell because Insoo never picked it up off the floor by Kenta’s front door last night. Jonghyeok’s expression doesn’t change so Insoo offers, “It could be worse.”

“You’re right,” Jonghyeok admits. “If Inho hyung doesn’t murder you, it’ll probably be because Hocheol’s looks like an accordion. That, and because he’s probably too busy trying to tell Kyuhyun he doesn’t really need to study for his college exams.”

“I thought Kyuhyun already said he was leaving. Isn’t Taeyeon planning a party?” 

“Not if Inho hyung has anything to say about it.” 

Insoo shrugs. He doesn’t think much of it, because Inho is fighting a losing battle and Kyuhyun has been talking about dropping out for months but Inho had twisted and twisted his arm until Kyuhyun agreed he could stay. But in late October, it was probably the time Kyuhyun really needed to buckle down and study, so Insoo assumes that Taeyeon’s farewell and good luck party will go as planned. And it does, with much sniffling, but everyone just has to barrel forward, and Insoo has more to choreograph and they keep on working on new routines.

He spends a lot of time with Kenta too, in bed or lounging around Kenta’s apartment, mainly having sex, but also talking to Kenta in hushed tones about their lives. Insoo sighs softly whenever he thinks about Kenta and how badly he wants to cling to him. Emotional intimacy isn’t something Insoo is terribly familiar with, he thinks he was once, but Insoo stubbornly refuses to remember it. There’s no reason to dwell on the past when Kenta is sleeping beside him and he’s the only thing Insoo wants. 

 

In retrospect, Insoo thinks it had to end as abruptly as it started.

Insoo is in that half sleeping state where he’s still seeing his dream - his dream is Kenta, waking him up with kisses and breakfast in bed, and that’s so tooth rottingly domestic Insoo didn’t know he could even have those kinds of dreams - when he’s jolted out of sleep by something getting thrown at him. 

His eyes shoot open as he sits up to see Kenta, fully clothed, standing at the foot of the bed and throwing Insoo’s clothes at him. 

“Get out.” 

That really wasn’t the wake up call Insoo was thinking of, or even expecting. It sure seemed different from the Kenta he fell asleep to. 

“What?” Insoo blinks sand out of his eyes as Kenta glares at him. 

“You heard me, get out.” 

“Why? What?” 

Kenta throws something at him. “You lied to me.” 

It’s Insoo’s wallet and in the clear sleeve is his school ID which clearly displays his graduation year. And his exact date of birth. Somewhere along the line, Insoo must have become careless.

Insoo is ready to lie again, to say anything to get out of this, but Kenta throws his sneakers at him too. “What are you still doing here? I said, get out!” 

“I can explain,” Insoo says stupidly. 

“You lied to me!” Kenta snaps. “Get out!” 

“But you didn’t…” 

“Do you know how old I am?”

“No, you didn’t say…” 

“I’m twenty.” Kenta snatches Insoo’s shirt from where it landed on the bed just to ball it up and throw it at Insoo again. “And. You. Are. Seventeen.” 

“Three years isn’t a lot,” Insoo says desperately, clutching his shirt to his chest.

“High school,” Kenta retorts. “Second year!” 

“But,” Insoo is floundering for something to say as he struggles to put his clothes on, because Kenta has balled up his jeans and cocked his arm to throw them again. “But you love me,” is what he settles on as he catches them. “Why does it matter?”

“It matters,” Kenta says emphatically, “that you lied to me. And it matters because you are too young for me.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are!” Kenta yells. “You’re a kid!” 

Insoo is dressed but he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want the angry Kenta who’s standing in front of him. He wants Kenta be to be sweet on him and forgive him for lying about his age and pet him and understand. But Kenta steps away when Insoo tries to touch him.

“I don’t want you to touch me,” Kenta barks. “It’s disgusting. Get out of my house.” 

“Hyung,” Insoo whimpers. 

“Don’t. Just leave.” 

Insoo’s entire universe feels out of alignment and everything feels unbearably difficult, from fumbling with his metro ticket to tripping over his own feet while walking. He can’t shake the feeling that everyone is staring at him, that somehow they know every intimate detail of his life. He feels itchy and uncomfortable and nothing makes sense to him. He can’t wrap his head around why Kenta would be so angry at him. Fine, Insoo lied, and maybe it’s significant because Insoo is younger than him, but they already admitted they loved each other, didn’t they? Wasn’t love enough for Kenta to not be angry at him? Wasn’t it too strong to call Insoo disgusting after how much they shared? It wasn’t fair for Kenta to throw him away so easily. 

Insoo can’t manage to hop his own fence and is standing in front of it, feeling out of place and idiotic when he hears Eunki calling to him. “Insoo? Are you okay?” 

“Can you give me a boost?” Insoo asks. Eunki raises his eyebrows. “Don’t ask, please just help me.”

Eunki shrugs and helps Insoo jump his fence before hopping over himself. “Is everything alright?” 

“No,” Insoo says as he pushes open his window to crawl through. Eunki follows behind him. “I think I got dumped?” 

“You can’t tell?” Eunki questions as he closes the window. 

“It’s not that,” Insoo sighs. “Kenta saw my school ID. He kicked me out for lying to him about my age.” 

“Oh.” 

“I knew I couldn’t lie forever,” Insoo says. “But I thought I could pretend for longer, I didn’t want him to find out like that either, I didn’t want him to be mad at me…” 

Eunki sighs and pulls Insoo into his arms. Strange. Insoo doesn’t need a hug. He just wants Kenta to love him again, to overlook the problem of Insoo’s age. He just wants to find a way to get Kenta back. 

 

Eunki is a completely useless accomplice. 

“This constitutes stalking,” Eunki hisses. “He could file a police report. You’re going to get us arrested. Like I need something else for my parents to hate about me. I at least don’t want to go to prison!” 

“Would you shut up? What’s illegal about going to a cafe?” 

“Nothing, except you’re only going to this cafe because you spent too many hours searching his photos for ths place,” Eunki snaps. “This is definitely cyber stalking!” 

“Hyungs!” Insoo bristles at the voice. “Where are you going?” 

Eunki starts to answer “a cafe,” when Insoo cuts him off, “nowhere, and we hate you.” 

Jaechan’s little face starts to crumple and Eunki runs over to him. Insoo doesn’t care. Jaechan is Taedong’s pet from what Insoo can tell and he has no godly interest in being friends with a puppy. Eunki on the other hand, has latched onto Jaechan like an imprinting duckling, and that’s why he’s wasting his time petting Jaechan and worse, inviting him along with them. 

“Why…” Insoo begins to demand when Eunki pushes his shoulder and hisses, “Collateral damage. So you behave. You wouldn’t send a baby to jail with you.” 

Insoo glares at Jaechan who cowers on Eunki’s arm, but Insoo won’t abandon his plan. Insoo maintains there’s nothing wrong with looking at (a lot) of Kenta’s (and Kenta’s friends’) social media postings about work, and certainly nothing wrong with finding patterns in the old texts Kenta sent him. So if Insoo knows Kenta’s work schedule, it’s mere coincidence, and Insoo just wants a coffee. He certainly doesn’t want to see Kenta. Nope. 

Insoo peers through the cafe window pretending to be studying the menu and tries to time their entrance just right. Insoo succeeds, though he thinks it’s probably dumb luck, because the waiter who comes to their table is Kenta. Eunki shoots him an alarmed look as Insoo pretends to be nonplussed. 

Kenta is polite to them and if he’s shaken up by seeing Insoo, he doesn’t show it. Eunki is glaring daggers into Insoo when Kenta walks away and Jaechan shifts in his chair. “You aren’t actually mad at me because I’m here, right?” he asks nervously. 

Insoo rolls his eyes. “I don’t care that you’re here.” 

Jaechan shrinks back and Insoo doesn’t really feel bad. The kid’s a wallflower and this is the first time Insoo has seen him when he’s not attached to Taedong’s hip. It’s annoying, Jaechan’s annoying, actually, but in a weird way because Insoo doesn’t think he really cares. 

Kenta comes back with their order and is still perfectly poised. It’s getting infuriating. He’s supposed to be flustered. He’s supposed to slosh coffee all over Insoo so they can leave together to clean up and Kenta is supposed to reveal how much he’s been missing Insoo. Insoo is supposed to graciously take him back. Kenta isn’t supposed to be indifferent. Kenta is supposed to care. 

Maybe Kenta is acting cool because Insoo is with others, so he goes back by himself the next day but Kenta is equally indifferent. It rubs Insoo the wrong way, so he makes a habit of going and squanders all of his pocket money on what he decides is really lousy coffee. Still, Kenta doesn’t pay him any mind. It’s not right. Why isn’t Kenta as shattered as he is? 

Insoo gets an earful from Inho about skipping the academy again and Insoo tries to care but he feels resigned. He doesn’t even care if he thinks their costumes are stupid or that the dance he made is fucked up and no one’s really had the time to learn it properly. He can’t even bring himself to be embarrassed as he’s peeling off these hideous glittery shorts and threatening to quit. Inho even lets him quit because he’s just as resigned.

Insoo’s world feels colorless and tasteless and Hwanwoong pokes him listlessly. “What’s got you so depressed?” 

Insoo doesn’t grace him with an answer. He’s not depressed. He’s angry. 

 

There’s a surprise rainstorm in the middle of November. Insoo is still going to the cafe, wasting his money and time, but it’s a new habit he can’t break. He thinks he’s just torturing himself now, watching Kenta ignore him, or worse, treat him like a stranger. Insoo wants to be immature and scream at Kenta, wants to remind him that they used to sleep together, that they used to have something, that it used to mean something. But he doesn’t. 

Insoo gets waylaid by the rain and buys an umbrella. When he gets to the cafe much later than usual, Kenta is outside, without an umbrella and ambivalently staring at the thundering clouds. Insoo walks up to Kenta and holds out his umbrella. “Here.” 

Kenta looks at him, really looks at him and sees him, and Insoo’s heart bursts. 

Even so, he shakes his head. “I don’t want it.” 

“I don’t want you to get wet,” Insoo says. “Just take it.” 

Kenta considers him. “Walk me.” 

“Okay.” 

They walk in silence, Kenta holding his bag to his chest, Insoo not caring that his shoulder is getting wet from sharing the umbrella. He hasn’t been this close to Kenta in so long and it feels normal and yet achingly unfamiliar. His body remembers the way to Kenta’s apartment, and Kenta doesn’t tell him to leave when they get to the front of the building, so Insoo follows him inside. 

“I’ll get you a towel,” Kenta tells him quietly as Insoo stands in the doorway. It couldn’t have been too long ago that Kenta pushed him up against the door to kiss him senseless. It makes Insoo stupidly wistful. But Kenta still hasn’t forced him to leave. 

When Kenta returns, Insoo pushes him against the wall. Kenta doesn’t push him off, so Insoo tells him, “I miss you,” and kisses him. Kenta kisses him back, so Insoo pushes more, licking at the seam of Kenta’s mouth, asking for more. Kenta curls his fingers at Insoo’s nape and pulls him closer. They kiss and it’s everything Insoo has been missing so desperately. Kenta still doesn’t protest when Insoo slides to his knees and begins unbuttoning Kenta’s pants and pulling down the zipper. Kenta’s eyes are closed as he tilts his head back when Insoo slides down Kenta’s underwear and takes him into his mouth. Kenta threads his fingers through Insoo’s hair with a strangled moan. He cradles Insoo’s head gently as Insoo bobs his head, fingers twitching in Insoo’s hair. Insoo inhales sharply as he tries to take Kenta further own his throat, and that’s when Kenta snaps, shoving Insoo off of him abruptly. 

“Don’t,” Kenta’s voice cracks. “Don’t.” 

Insoo blinks from where’s he landed, flat on his ass, as Kenta tucks himself back into his pants. 

“Don’t,” Kenta repeats. “We can’t do this.” 

“Why?” Insoo can’t keep the desperation out of his voice. “Why can’t we? Why don’t you want me?” 

“I told you,” Kenta sighs heavily. “You’re too young. We can’t do this.” 

“But we used to,” Insoo pulls himself to his feet. “Why is it different now? Why can’t we go on pretending I’m not seventeen?” 

“Because I can’t,” Kenta snaps. “You lied to me.” 

“But…” 

“You lied.” Kenta says firmly. “And I can’t trust in your words now.” 

Insoo is breathing so shallowly, gripped by a mad desire to make Kenta take him back, to make Kenta love him like he used to, but Kenta just won’t budge. Insoo can hardly find the words to speak. “I never danced for you,” Insoo tries. “Don’t you want to see that?” 

Kenta shakes his head. “I think you should go home,” he says softly. 

Insoo picks up his umbrella stiffly and looks at Kenta, silently pleading for him to not put him out again. 

Kenta looks away. “I don’t want you to come by the cafe anymore. If you do, I think I will make a big fuss.” 

Insoo’s throat tightens, but he forces out the words. “You can’t. You can’t throw me away like this. Kenta, I love you, you can’t do this to me. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Kenta says softly. “But love isn’t always being together. I’m pushing you away because you’re too young for me.”

“If you loved me you wouldn’t push me away,” Insoo protests hotly, grabbing Kenta’s shoulders. “I love you so much, why can’t you just be with me?” 

“You’re too young,” Kenta pushes him away. “I told you.” 

“It doesn’t matter, why does it matter?” 

“I’m leaving anyway,” Kenta pushes him harder. “I told you. I’m going home in a month.” 

“Then just give me that month,” Insoo is begging. This should be humiliating, begging Kenta like this, but Insoo can’t do anything else. He hasn’t needed anyone like he needs Kenta. He needs him. He needs Kenta to love him. “Give me that month and then you never have to think of me again. Please.”

“No,” Kenta says sternly. “You need to leave now.” 

“Hyung,” Insoo thinks he could cry. “You can’t do this to me.”

“What about me? Do you think it was okay to lie to me? For months!” 

“I didn’t mean to lie!” 

“And I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Kenta sighs. “Go home, Insoo.” 

“You can’t,” Insoo says hoarsely. “You can’t get rid of me like this. I love you. I love you so much.” 

“You’re too young,” Kenta repeats, as he goes to open the door. “You’re showing me just how young you are.” 

“Please don’t do this to me,” Insoo is begging. It still isn’t as humiliating as it should be, begging for a man who doesn’t want him like this, so Insoo can’t stop. “Please, don’t.” 

“Go home,” Kenta repeats, finally putting his hands on Insoo to push him out into the hallway. “You must still live at home, don’t you? How many lies did you tell me? Being in love with me, did you lie about that too?” 

Insoo can’t answer because Kenta slams the door in his face and everything inside of Insoo shatters along with it. He wants to cry and scream and kick the door in demanding second chances Kenta doesn’t want to give him. Insoo is terrible and pathetic and he’s bubbling over with emotions he has no idea how to cope with. 

 

Sangbin is always an answer to Insoo’s problems in a bizarre way because Insoo has never talked about his feelings to Sangbin but Sangbin always seems to understand him. It’s why Sangbin gets under his skin. It’s why Insoo likes him so much, but Sangbin is just another person who doesn’t want Insoo.

Everything between them boils down to sex and Insoo doesn’t need to say anything when he sits in Sangbin’s lap and kisses him hard. Sangbin just laughs into the kiss and when Insoo pulls away, Sangbin says, “I thought you had some new flame.” 

Insoo ignores the comment even though it stings. “You know what I like,” Insoo says frankly. “And I want it.” 

Sangbin just shrugs. Their bodies move together like a well oiled machine, even if Insoo hasn’t wanted Sangbin in a while, he still remember the way they touch each other because Sangbin was his first. Insoo remembers meeting Sangbin and being magnetized because Sangbin didn’t care what anyone thought and it was so damn alluring that Insoo couldn’t help but be drawn in. So when Sangbin asked him if Insoo wanted to sleep with him, Insoo said yes. Sangbin was a lot of Insoo’s firsts, and Insoo remembers looking at Sangbin’s face, willing himself to just fall in love with him, but not being able to. It wasn’t the same as what Insoo felt before, for someone else, and even though Sangbin made him feel good, it never felt right. But Kenta, Kenta had felt right. Kenta made Insoo feel like all of his broken pieces could fit back together, but now he was shattered again. 

It hurts when Sangbin pushes into him and Insoo hisses. “Guess he wasn’t as big as me,” Sangbin muses as he drives his hips forward and Insoo whimpers. “You must’ve missed me.” 

“Shut up,” Insoo’s voice wobbles. “Just fuck me.” 

It hurts, but it keeps Insoo from being able to think about anything except for Sangbin, especially when Sangbin presses his forearm against Insoo’s throat and pushes down hard. Insoo gasps shallowly, quickly getting overwhelmed by the feeling of Sangbin inside of him and his arm on his throat, and Insoo can feel himself shaking apart and when he comes his vision spots. Sangbin pulls away and Insoo can suddenly take in huge gulps of air. 

Sangbin wipes at his face roughly. “What?” Insoo rasps. 

“Don’t ask me to do things to you that make you cry,” Sangbin says harshly. “You make me feel like shit when you cry after we fuck.” 

“Sorry,” Insoo says. 

Sangbin rolls his eyes as he turns his back to Insoo on his bed. “Whatever.” 

“Can you,” Insoo swallows thickly. “Can you hold me?” 

Sangbin glares over his shoulder. “You sure are needy.” But he does roll over and pulls Insoo against his chest roughly. 

Sangbin doesn’t love him. Sangbin has never loved him the way Insoo tried to love Sangbin. Even so, Sangbin clings to him so tightly in his sleep and it makes Insoo wonder if Sangbin lies to himself about not wanting to be with only one person. He wonders if Sangbin has brushed against love painfully before. Insoo knows love won’t wait for him, so he gave Sangbin everything when he asked because he thought it would make Sangbin love him more. It didn’t. 

Just like Sangbin, Insoo gave Kenta all of him and he thought Kenta loved him for it. Insoo can’t understand how Kenta could so easily push him away if he loved him. But Insoo wonders how much he loved Kenta if he could crawl into Sangbin’s bed again so easily. He drifts to sleep uneasily, wondering if Kenta was right and all they had done was lie to one another. 

 

Insoo wakes up and everything below his waist hurts and his throat is sore. He’s also alone, but that only bothers him marginally as he pulls Sangbin’s blanket tighter around his body. He’s also crusty and badly in need of a shower, but he isn’t sure how well he can waddle around by himself. He curls himself into a ball and tries to go back to sleep. 

Sangbin eventually comes back into the room and throws his phone onto his desk. It clatters noisily and Insoo peers up at him. 

“Somebody stupid,” Sangbin answers Insoo’s unasked question. “Don’t worry about it.” 

Insoo wishes he and Sangbin were in love so he could ask Sangbin to come back to bed and hold onto him some more. But they aren’t, so Insoo pretends to not be pleased when Sangbin climbs back into bed with a sigh. 

“I hate clingy people,” he says. “Especially when I said I didn’t want anything serious.” 

Insoo just shrugs as he rests his head on Sangbin’s shoulder. 

Sangbin glares at him witheringly. “You’re the worst offender. You’re so clingy.” 

Insoo rolls his eyes. “Just let me cling.” 

“What happened to your new guy?” 

“We broke up.” The words don’t taste right. Insoo doesn’t think they broke up. He just thinks Kenta is being unreasonable, hurting Insoo like this and pushing him away. 

“This is why you don’t get too attached,” Sangbin muses. “So it doesn’t bother you when they don’t want to see you anymore.” 

“I was in love.” 

“You fall in love with anyone who pays attention to you.” 

Insoo bristles. “That’s not true.” 

“It is,” Sangbin states. “That’s why you told me you loved me.” 

“I thought I did but I was wrong,” Insoo snaps. “Because you’re a jerk.” 

“It’s because we’re the same,” Sangbin rolls onto his side to look at Insoo. “You know that we just use each other for sex. And you know that we’re too alike to be good together.” 

Insoo grimaces. “At least I don’t sleep with anyone who looks at me.” 

Sangbin shrugs. “Maybe because they look and can all sense you’re insane.” 

Insoo would punch him if he had the energy but instead Sangbin is sliding his hand between Insoo’s legs. “Do you want to? Arguing with you always turns me on.” 

Insoo rolls his eyes but he spreads his legs because if Sangbin’s good at anything, he’s good at sex, and even if Insoo is sore, he wants to feel good even if Sangbin handles him too roughly, he likes it. 

 

Eunki is avoiding him, but it takes Insoo a couple of days to notice it. 

Eunki isn’t the type to keep his distance, so it does strike Insoo as odd when Eunki doesn’t seem to be talking to him as much. Then again, Eunki is pretty social, so it could be coincidental. Insoo thinks it could because of the thing Eunki calls stalking, because Insoo still passes by the cafe, but doesn’t go in, just sometimes looks through the window to see if Kenta is working - he isn’t, he must have changed his shifts. Or maybe about being mean to Jaechan - but even Taedong hasn’t chewed him out for being mean to his pet - so Insoo soon loses track of the reasons Eunki might be avoiding him. 

Insoo finally assumes that Eunki is angry at him for getting kicked out of dance club for truancy, because Insoo screwed Hwanwoong and Eunki for the semester end show since he was supposed to dance with them. And that had led Eunki and Hwanwoong to beg Jaechan to do it, since he followed Taedong around like a puppy to dance classes. Insoo had snuck in because it was his choreography and it had been disaster after disaster (and making Jaechan cry more than a few times) before Insoo just decided to walk away and let them struggle. 

Insoo decides to be the bigger person and apologize to Eunki first, but Eunki just looks at him quizzically before biting his lip nervously. 

“We need to talk.” 

Insoo’s parents are both at work so they go to Insoo’s house after Eunki is finished with dance practice. They sit in Insoo’s room awkwardly, and it’s strange because they’ve spent so much time here together and they’re so close. 

“I need to tell you something.” 

Insoo waits.

“I slept with Sangbin hyung.” 

It’s not what Insoo expects to hear.

“Are you angry with me?” 

“No? Why would I be?” 

“Because you also…” Eunki trails off. “I called him and he told me he was with you. I thought I was the one who was wrong. He was angry because I called him. I thought…” 

Somebody stupid. I hate clingy people. Oh. Insoo blinks. 

“I avoided you because I thought you were angry with me.” 

“I’m not angry. Sangbin and I don’t love each other.” Insoo looks at Eunki. “Are you in love with Sangbin?”

“I don’t think so,” Eunki says softly. “I thought it would mean more to me, but it didn’t. I don’t think I’m ever going to fall in love or… or find someone to love me.” 

“No,” Insoo says quietly, reaching to cradle Eunki’s face in his hands. “Eunki, that’s not true.” 

Eunki just shrugs miserably and curls up with his head on Insoo’s lap. 

 

Insoo sees Kenta on the arm of someone tall and handsome and it feels like he’s been cracked down the center, ribs jutting out, ugly and bent to reveal his gutted insides. He feels like the wind has been punched out of him. He feels the earth tilt off its axis. Everything feels wrong. 

It doesn’t make sense to feel so wronged when Kenta told him that he didn’t think they should be together. Yet Insoo feels so betrayed. Kenta told him he still loved him, so how he could be with someone else? Someone so unlike Insoo. It wasn’t right. As if it weren’t bad enough that Kenta was pushing him away, did he have to throw Insoo away just to find someone else? 

Insoo texts him, impulsively, because he can’t stop the feeling of betrayal that’s sunk its claws into Insoo’s skin. 

You said you still loved me. 

So why are you with someone else? 

Sangbin isn’t his answer. It’s Eunki, who always pets him and assures him that things will be fine. It’s Eunki who lets him cry and sob out that he loves Kenta so much he loves him so much why doesn’t Kenta love him back why doesn’t anyone ever love him back. 

Insoo is sobbing when he sits on Eunki’s ribs on his bed and screams, tears dripping onto Eunki’s face. “You deserve to be in love. It hurts so much. It’s so painful. But you deserve to feel love too. You deserve to know for sure that you’re in love.” 

Insoo cries himself to sleep on Eunki’s shoulder and wakes up to a pounding headache and a string of messages. 

Are you following me around? 

Don’t do this.

Don’t be possessive like this. 

I told you many times why we couldn’t be together.

Please listen to my words and don’t chase me.

You’re too young. 

You have no idea how young you are.

Insoo wants Kenta to patronize him more so Insoo can hate him. Insoo wishes he could hate him. But he doesn’t and Insoo doesn’t know what could realistically push him to hate Kenta. Probably nothing. Because Insoo loves Kenta and Insoo doesn’t know what will change that. 

Probably nothing.

 

It’s the middle of December before he knows it, and Insoo sees Kenta in a department store looking at luggage carriers. Insoo shouldn’t walk to Kenta, but he does. He shouldn’t call out Kenta’s name, but he does. Kenta looks at him and doesn’t grimace, doesn’t turn away in disgust; doesn’t tell Insoo to leave him alone. 

“Hyung, I miss you,” is the only thing Insoo can say, stupidly. 

Kenta just sighs. “Shouldn’t you stop missing me? I’m leaving soon.” 

Insoo’s throat tightens. “Can’t you just stay here with me?” 

Kenta gives him a look. It isn’t quite a glare, but there’s something in his gaze that’s exhausted and disappointed. “You know I can’t do that.” 

Insoo wishes the ground would swallow him up. He shouldn’t have tried to reason with Kenta like this. 

Kenta turns to leave and Insoo grabs him by the wrist. It jolts them both. Is this the first time they’ve touched since the day of the rainstorm? Insoo holds on tightly because he’s afraid if he lets go too soon, Kenta will leave and Insoo won’t be able to remember his face. 

“Don’t forget me,” Insoo is begging again. “Please don’t.” 

“Insoo…” 

“Don’t fall in love with anyone else. Wait for me, please.” Insoo clings to Kenta’s arm tighter. “Please.” 

Kenta begins to peel Insoo’s fingers away from his arm.

“I’ll change however you want me to change,” Insoo continues. “I’ll mature, I’ll do anything, just please love me. Why don’t you love me?” 

“I can’t be who you want me to be right now,” Kenta sighs. “I’m leaving. I can’t be the person you need.” 

“That’s not true. I just need you to tell me you still want me.” 

“You’re too young for me.” Insoo hates those words. They’re meaningless to him, but to Kenta they’re everything. “You shouldn’t have any expectations of me. You should be with someone your age.” 

“I don’t want anyone else.” Insoo protests. “It’s only three years. It’s not a lot.” 

“It’s too much,” Kenta frees his wrist from Insoo’s grasp. 

“Kenta hyung…” 

“I told you that I love you,” Kenta says gently. “Love isn’t just being together and sleeping together. It’s being apart too.” 

“Please don’t fall in love with anyone else,” Insoo begs. “I’ll wait for you, so please wait for me.” 

Kenta doesn’t say anything but tucks Insoo’s hair behind his ear with a fond look on his face. It isn’t a promise but it’s more than Insoo expected and it’s really all he can ask for. 

 

Insoo goes back to dance practice with Eunki and Hwanwoong - this time after getting a stern talking to from Taedong about not making Jaechan cry unless Insoo really has a death wish - so he only makes Jaechan snuffle. Eunki still fusses over him and reassures Jaechan that he’s doing well so Insoo decides to go out of the studio to check his phone. 

It’s a mistake. 

He sees pictures of Kenta at the airport and his legs give out from underneath him. 

“Are you okay?” Hwanwoong’s voice sounds really far away. Insoo’s head is swimming. “Insoo? Did you hear me? Are you okay?” Insoo looks and sees Hwanwoong’s concerned face but nothing is registering. There’s a fog in his head and his whole body is buckling with the weight of some pain he can’t even put a finger on. 

Insoo doesn’t know he’s breathing heavily until Eunki is kneeling in front of him. “Insoo,” Eunki’s voice cuts through the fog in his head. “Insoo, look at me. Breathe. It’s okay.” 

Eunki stays over in Insoo’s room and lets Insoo sit and cry for hours and hours until he doesn’t have tears left and Insoo wonders if this is how all parting feels. 

 

Insoo sulks and cries for the rest of December and erratically texts Kenta, trying to say or do anything that will make Kenta answer him, because Kenta won’t answer him. Insoo begs, he begs Kenta to not fall in love with anyone else, to not fall into the traps of wolves, but Kenta doesn’t answer him. Even when Insoo stays up way too late at night on translating websites so he can send angry messages to the people Kenta tags in his photos, telling them to stay away from Kenta because Kenta has a boyfriend, even that doesn’t provoke any kind of response from anyone. 

Insoo thinks he runs out of steam in the beginning of January, because no one answers him and Insoo is getting exhausted just screaming into the void. January 10th is Kenta’s birthday, and Insoo resolves to send Kenta one last message and then force himself to stop texting Kenta obsessively. So he apologizes for everything, the lying, the desperation, the incessant texting and tries to wholeheartedly wish Kenta the best on his birthday. It hurts, but Insoo thinks he has to do it. 

A couple days later, Insoo gets his nose pierced and it hurts so much more than he thought it would, but it’s good because the pain in his nose keeps him from remembering someone he should have already forgotten but hasn’t. Eunki sighs at his impulsiveness but Insoo doesn’t care. The metal in his nose feels cold but Insoo is just happy to feel anything. 

It’s on Insoo’s birthday that he gets a shock. Kenta replies to him. 

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it? I hope in your next year you grow more mature and more handsome and I hope you find happiness. Love isn’t always being together, it’s also being apart. Happy Birthday, Insoo.”

Insoo is crying again but not because he’s sad, he’s happy. Because it isn’t much, it’s still not a promise, but it’s something. 

Something is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Twitter @jy_kim8008 where lately I've just been retweeting lots of pictures


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